Your Personal Growth Plan... Choosing Happiness.. YES, You Do Have to Choose!
Your Personal Growth Plan... Choosing Happiness.. YES, It Is a Choice;Choosing Happiness We often hear that happiness is a choice, but I think we need to remember that it’s an active one. As much as we want it to be as simple as the first few questions on the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? game show, it just isn’t. Happiness is:A) ImpossibleB) For the medicatedC) For everyone but meD) A choice. Who wouldn’t see happiness to be a choice when you put it like that? The reality, however, is that it’s complicated. And we will be tested about this pro-choice stance on a near daily basis. What makes it so complex is that happiness usually shows up when we’re interacting with others. This means that the more people we surround ourselves with, the more connected we are and the more likely we are to experience a rich, rewarding life. But when we care about a lot of people, we need to share in their hardship—whether it’s illness, death or serious disappointment. It obviously isn’t easy to feel happy when people we love are suffering. When you couple that with the very grown-up decision to be informed about issues and events concerning our community and the world at large, choosing happiness can’t ever be an accident. We know too much and care about too many people to make it a passive reaction. Yet we must choose happiness anyway. This year I have made the choice to be more informed about my city by participating in the Community Leadership San Jose program, sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce. In addition to giving the participants a chance to connect with leaders from a variety of fields and backgrounds, we get the chance to see the behind-the-scenes operations of our city. The first meeting gave us the opportunity to meet with the Mayor’s office and city council leaders, and also included a tour of the city through the eyes of the redevelopment and transit agencies. Though I was interested enough in the subject matter as the day started, I walked away feeling thoroughly inspired by the many articulate, passionate and knowledgeable people who are working to make sure San Jose grows in sensible ways, while still honoring its history and retaining its charm. If our first meeting was inspiring, the second was life changing. Our group spent the morning at the San Jose Police Department training site, participating in simulations that made each one of us realize how fast an officer must process and respond to volatile situations. Then, we spent the afternoon visiting the county jail. My takeaway there was that it’s impossible not to be changed when standing just twenty feet from the hardened faces of murderers. To hear how these prisoners got there and how likely they are to keep coming back was nothing short of haunting. I went home that night feeling overwhelmed by the realities that make some people feel hopeless about their future. While I could see that the solution lies in supporting families to raise their children to value education and eschew violence, I still had no idea how to actually do that. The next morning I received a call from a friend who informed me that a student at our daughters’ high school had taken his own life. It felt like a piling on of despair. How could such a young man not see a future for himself? Then it occurred to me that the prisoners and this young man had hopelessness in common. And it was so easy to see how the news of their suffering could create a spiral effect on everyone around them, if we let it. When these events happen, it is obviously the family and friends who suffer most when accepting they will never see their loved one again, either because of death or a life sentence. But the reality is that we strangers suffer too. For every time we hear of a tragic loss, we lose a little bit more of our optimism and sense of hope. It’s easy for me to think that because I don’t have a background in mental health, there is nothing I can do to help. But doing nothing but be sad about it feels so powerless, and sets up tall hurdles to my choosing of happiness. As simplistic as it sounds, I think it’s essential that we all do our part to gather in celebration ten times more often than we gather to grieve. By bringing lightness to the heavy issues that circle over us, we create hope as we create deeper connections. And people who feel connected and hopeful don’t want to squander away their lives. To do this, we need to actively plan for joy, particularly when we don’t feel like it. This holiday season, put out those decorations that add light to a short winter day. Make that extra effort to invite family, friends or neighbors over for a visit. Watch schmaltzy movies that make you smile. It will not only put you in the holiday spirit, but it will be a declaration to those around you that you are actively making your choice.
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